just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
