I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
