Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
