I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
