Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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