I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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