It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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