oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
