So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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