Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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