You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
