i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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