He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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