how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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