never play flip cup with pint glasses
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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