so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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