once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
