it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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