Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
