It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
