a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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