we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
