you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
