I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
