I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
