Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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