Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize