at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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