I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
