oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
