Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We had to coat check the pizza.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize