Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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