I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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