I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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