We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
