Your dad touched me again.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Two words: blizzard sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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