I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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