pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
