On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
