omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
