your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
