I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize