i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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