Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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