hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
