Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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