No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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