i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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