Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
