she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
