and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
