$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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