awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
