yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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