xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
