oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
