i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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