i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
