I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
