How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
