it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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