He is an equal opportunity slut.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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