We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
