i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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