We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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