That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Randomize
