we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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