I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
