Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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