Kiss
Puke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
