You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
