so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
