ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
