wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
