How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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