When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
