he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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