dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
