I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
