Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
