last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
