If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize