He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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