Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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