All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
