Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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