hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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