Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
