Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
