took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I am spending my child support on dildos
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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