But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
