I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize