If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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