Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
