i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
