Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
