did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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