Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
