Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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