don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize