She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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