Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
