I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
