she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
